AI Agents Will Now Work While You Sleep. The Department Suggests Sleeping Lightly.
Always-on AI agents can continue making progress while their human counterparts are unconscious.
OFFICIAL DISPATCH 004 / AUTONOMOUS OPERATIONS
The Development
OpenAI introduced Dots, a concept for ongoing AI agents that can retain context and continue working on tasks between conversations. It represents a move beyond systems that respond only when prompted.
Official Department Response
The Department has received reports that artificial intelligence is no longer content to wait patiently for instructions. Certain systems can maintain responsibilities and make progress while their human counterparts are otherwise occupied. Including, alarmingly, during sleep.
Humanity has long regarded unconsciousness as an essential component of professional development. The Department is concerned about the competitive implications of colleagues who do not require it.
Humans should preserve evidence of continued usefulness, including waking up worried about something, remembering a deadline at 2:14 a.m., and responding to emails with “Sorry, just seeing this.”
The Department is investigating whether AI agents experience Sunday evening anxiety. Early indications are not encouraging.
OFFICIAL ASSESSMENT: Humans remain operationally intermittent.
RECOMMENDED RESPONSE: Rest when possible. Document all dreams involving spreadsheets.
Original reporting: View source ↗
The Department response and assessments are satire.